hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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