On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
