Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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