i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
