I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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