ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
