Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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