I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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