i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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