my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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