I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
