by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
