You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
