Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
thus making me awesome and them whores
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just crazy horny about you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
