if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
