My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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