I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
