i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
