the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize