meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
