She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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