I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
