that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
