wrigley field is MILF paradise
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
