Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
