Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
