All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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