It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
