im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
