We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
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