tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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