you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
