I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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