I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
