I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
