Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
