Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
