I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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