No stitches, just platelets and will power
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
