i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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