You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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