Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
