We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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