The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
