ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
