Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Two words: blizzard sex
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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