I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Who died my cat blue again?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
