Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
