and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
