that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
