Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
