oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
