there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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