God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
