youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ttyl tear gas
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
