just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's the barista slut.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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