Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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